Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Morning Run & No Tears

6-Mile Run
This morning we got up a little after 5 am so we could get in a morning run. It was already hovering at 80 degrees and the humidity felt like it was up. Of course, when it's been hitting 105 during the day, 80 does start to feel cool. Funny thing about perspective.

The first mile was a bit of a struggle for me. It is up a steady incline, but my legs felt heavier than normal and it felt like I was breathing under water. After mile 2, things started to fall into place for me. I got my breathing down, my legs loosened up and I was ready to go.

We ended up doing part of our route in reverse. Funny how it can seem like a totally new route when you do that. Somehow the same street can look completely different.

Oddly, there was a lot of traffic this morning. Usually we rarely have to stop for cars that early. Today? Lots of stopping so that did slow our pace tremendously. There were also lots of people out walking. You almost never see other runners, we did on Sunday and you just want to join them and visit for a bit because it's rare in our hood.

Overall, it was a pretty decent run. 6 miles before 6:30. Not a bad way to start the day if you ask me.

No Tears
I worked for 2 1/2 hours this morning before we had to head to our hometown for my great-aunt's funeral service. It's an hours drive there as long as there is no traffic.

My great-aunt was Roman Catholic, so the Mass was held at 11 am before the burial. I had anticipated being tearful and emotional. I would cry at a strangers funeral. However, I forgot that Catholic Mass is quite different from other funeral services. In some ways it was a bit odd as it was mostly about the rituals rather than her and her life.

It really felt very impersonal to me. I wasn't moved in any way. I almost feel like something must be wrong, like I've got a cold heart or something. I didn't she a single tear. And it's not that I didn't love my great-aunt. That's not it at all.

I guess most funeral services I have ever been to really revolved around the deceased. Often family members speak, there might be slideshows, a video, or even photos. Definitely emotional. You often hear people talk about funeral services as being beautiful perhaps. But I cannot say that's how this one was. And it really kind of makes me a bit sad to be honest. I would have loved to have seen a photo of her, or hear a shared memory. Something. Anything.

No one spoke about the person she was (the wife, mom, aunt). No one shared memories or stories, it was even a closed casket. I did not go to the burial, however, and that was probably more emotional than the Mass. But it just felt rather cold to me in some ways. Not much like a memorial service at all I suppose. 

But, it was nice to see family, to hug them and feel their love. It's just a shame it was under these circumstances.

Have you ever been to a funeral like this? Do you normally cry at funerals no matter how close or not close you were to the person?

Evening With Friends
I suppose after a funeral service, spending time with friends and family is appropriate. But now that I am saying that I am indeed going out, well, it feels a little off to me.

In some ways I feel like perhaps I shouldn't be going out tonight. Going out and enjoying. But that's what life should be about really.

Life is short, even a long-lived life is still short if you think about it.

We had plans with our friends to go to a minor-league baseball game - the Arkansas Travelers. So, that's what we are doing this evening. We may melt into our seats I'm afraid. But, I think we'll have a good time despite the heat.

Daily To-Enjoy List:
Morning run
Seeing family
Time with friends