Thursday, March 6, 2014

I'm Not Comfortable with Selfies



How comfortable are you in your own skin, with sharing pictures of yourself with others? I will admit that I'm not very comfortable or confident. And, I think it shows in what I post and share on my blog as well. 

For those who have been followers of my blog for quite some time, you know that I used to post my weight workouts all the time. Not pictures of myself, but the workouts at least. But after my blood clot, I wasn't allowed to lift for about two months. There was concern about internal bleeding and joint damage because of being on blood thinners. I very quietly, very slowly started easing back into lifting. 

I was a little disappointed in how much muscle mass I had lost during the 2 months I wasn't allowed to lift. Lost muscle and increased fat. It wasn't really anything I talked about though. I shared workouts that I thought others might like to pin and re-use. But I didn't post all of my weight workouts on a regular basis. 

Instead, I shared how many miles I ran. I shared running adventures with my partner in crime. I talked about good runs, bad runs, hot runs, slow runs. Mostly sharing about running and occasionally about cycling. I'm thinking my workouts look very one-sided. Hello cardio junkie right? 

I won't pretend that running isn't my larger focus for workouts. But I still love lifting weights as well. But with running my first priority, I don't lift the way I once did in terms of going through periodized building plans. And, I think it shows of course. 

Yesterday, I actually got brave enough to share a picture after a weight workout. My friend Lindsay mentioned that she was glad to see me hitting the weights again. And it got me to thinking that I've not been really sharing that side of my workout life much at all. And of course, then it really hit me why. 

I enjoy instagram, but don't use it all that often. I never think people really care that much about a messy looking plate of food that I'm eating ore what I'm wearing to work. Of course, I check those pictures out from others all the time. But who'd want to see mine? 

I share more pictures of my dogs than anything else. Who doesn't love a cute dog photo? I sometimes share post-run selfies. I won't lie, I am often leery to share those even. I'm a fairly shy person. I don't do well putting myself out there. I'm not always secure with my appearance either. But I share the post-running photos because it's usually when I feel happiest, most confident, most accomplished. 

But what other pictures do I ever really share? Some with friends or my sister. And only occasionally will I share a picture post-weights, one that would show my arms - but never my midsection or legs. Why? What's the difference between the weights and the running pictures? With the post-weight pictures, I feel more exposed. It almost makes me feel like I'm trying to brag or beg for attention too. I'm really insecure to be honest. I think that's fairly evident right about now though. 

I see so many amazingly strong women posting pictures with shoulders and backs that are rock solid, biceps with perfect cuts and ridges. Legs that are clearly not soft. Then I look at one of my pictures and feel fairly puny. There are many times I've taken pictures thinking I would share, but once I looked at them, I deleted them. All of them. Just being honest here. I'm all about being honest. 

I know I shouldn't compare myself. But sometimes it just happens. Sometimes we tear ourselves apart, critique every single nuance. So, I think that's why I shy away from posting very many pictures of myself exposed in any way. 

How comfortable are you with sharing selfies, with exposing yourself?